I Hate You Comma, Period!

So I am aware it has been a month since I last posted, and what a month it has been. My first month into my thirties and I already feel like it's been an eternity, and have learned way too much about my own faults for my own good, okay, that is probably a bit dramatic. Most of these newly discovered "faults" of mine have surfaced through my partial re-entry into the working world, making it sting all that much more. The unfortunate part was the hit to my self esteem these shortcomings have produced. I knew I had some "problems" with spelling and grammar but I didn't know it was a full-blown disability, if I had I would have majored in business or something not journalism in college. My new found "inabilities" make me feel like one of those people who go on American Idol thinking they are the best singer and then Simon telling them they are horrible and they are crushed because they never knew. Yep that's me, the Italian William Hung. Next I'll find out I have horrible taste in shoes (Gasp!).

My inability to spell is nothing new to me, I was pretty much aware of it and when asked, "what is something you have to work on?", in job interviews I always say "spelling", however I didn't know the severity of my situation. When discussing this with my mother she seemed to think I used to be a very good speller. Clearly she forgets making me carry a dictionary at the tender age of nine with me always so I could look up the spelling of words and their definitions. When I reached junior high and technology was becoming more portable, my parents gave me, I believe for a birthday present (hey thanks Mom and Dad, swell!), a digital spell checker to replace the dictionary. After three years I was upgraded to a much sleeker model in high school and finally in college I moved on to a computer with of course Microsoft word. I still use Word, and have dictonary.com downloaded on my phone, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be doing me any good. First off Word is highly deceiving, half the time I depend on Word and it only makes it worse because people say, "well didn't you spell check it?" Of course I spell checked it, I may have missed whatever point in life I learn to spell and punctuate, but I did not miss, common sense 101. As I said earlier, I didn't know how bad this misspelling infection was. But in my defense why does the stupid English language have two words "Then" and "Than", which essentially sound exactly the same but one is for time and other for comparing? #fail if you ask me (see me on twitter). I know there are other words, "Too" and "To" which also recently became the bain of my existence, "Their", "There", "They're" (these I for some reason understand). Based on this inability to use the English language correctly, I will never again be privy to that group of people, as I once was, who yell at cab drivers and telling them to learn English. Don't learn English Mr. Cab driver, it's too hard, continue to speak your language, which we can't understand, it's fine.

Another broken piece of me, which you kind readers probably have noticed, but my brother often helps me hide, is punctuation. When I asked my friends and husband about my “colorful” punctuation, they all say "you just write as you speak," like it's no big deal. Thank you? This inability wouldn't be a big deal if I was well established, in some sort of amazing writing employment and that was my shtick, but as you know it's not. This is not the first time I have heard this either. When I was a Junior in high school I took AP English (shocking isn't it, clearly I didn't do me much good) and my teacher, Mrs. Straub, told me my writing would be fine if I was dead. She then (notice correct usage) proceeded to tell me I write like Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Faulkner, which is not a bad comparison in my book. However, when they wrote their classic works of literature everybody hated the way they wrote and it wasn't until their deaths before anyone took notice. Not that being a author is my life dream but I would someday like for people to appreciate my writing and not think I was raised in the woods and never attended elementary school, where I believe is where one would learn to spell and use grammar.

After the month of "self realizations" I am now trying to counter-act these inabilities, which are not as easy as you would think. I own Shrunk and White and can read, but when I read about punctuation it doesn't make sense. In my mind I am using it correctly. The spelling thing I'm working on. But grammar, how does one "relearn", or in my case learn, grammar at thirty? Yes, I could go take a college course. I have looked and would be very successful if I didn't speak English or didn't work during the day, but do to the fact I do, and can, I can't just sign up anywhere. I could take editing classes, but I feel that I would be the one being edited, so that might not be as useful either. So at the moment I am strategizing my next move and working on the use of "Then/Than" and "To/Too" with the hope I can find a grammar class sooner then later. If not, when my internship ends I might have to take up employment with the San Francisco Giants jersey printers. I guess there really is a fit for everyone.